Appeals and incompetence…..

Good things come to those who wait…..

Anything worth having is worth waiting for…..

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet…..

Have patience, all things are difficult before they become easy…..

 

I think that my point is made. My frustration level is to a point where the insurance company better be grateful that I have NO idea where they are located, because I may be able to get off with an insanity plea for whatever I may do.

My first appeal was denied, for something they are saying was not in my file, but it was. So, my surgeon’s office has filed a second level appeal, which they have to have an answer to within 15 business days…..so that takes me to September 18th. These days are not going to go by fast enough, I can tell  you that much. I have promised myself that I am not going to call the insurance company, because their stupid responses just aggravate me further. It is almost like they say whatever comes to their minds in order to frustrate us further. There was one time that I was on the phone with them for more than an hour and a half, being transfered between three different areas of my insurance company…..for them to just tell me that they can’t tell me anything. Nothing like going through all of this, appeals and icompetence…..they just don’t mix to well.

So, with all that being said, patience is going to have to be practiced on my end. 🙂

 

In my heart, I know…..

To say that the last few weeks have not been tough on me, would be an under exageration. I try not to complain, I try to just keep it moving, and look towards the next goal.

The self-pitty game, the old poor me, would be all to easy…..but I just can’t, and I won’t.

Today, I am Angry. Pissed. Hurt. Confused. Upset. Aggravated. and most of all Angry! I received my second denial from my insurance company, and it just doesn’t seem to make sense to me. I have done everything that I needed to do, but they just seem to keep coming up with different lame excuses to not approve my surgery. I need this surgery! By no means am I giving up, it just means that I am going to have to continue to jump through some more hoops. By the time that this is all said and done, I am going to be able to hold my own circus act, with all my hoop jumping. 😉

I was looking for something to give me some hope, and I came across this quote…..I needed this today…..

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

Although today was a very hard day for me, but…..in my heart, I know…..I know that everything happens for a reason, and it will happen when it is supposed to.

 

A sip at a time…..

My Daily Spread…..be jealous!!!

8 ounces of almond milk, 1 scoop of protein powder, 1/2 cup of fruit

12 ounces of chicken broth

1 cup of sugar free jello

8 ounces of almond milk, 1 scoop of protein powder, 1/2 cup of fruit

12 ounces of chicken broth

1 cup of sugar free jello

8 ounces of almond milk, 1 scoop of protein powder, 1/2 cup of fruit

12 ounces of chicken broth

1 cup of sugar free jello

(once I start adding unflavored protein powder to the broth, I will only have it twice a day)

 

I am not sure if you see a pattern here, but I just about can’t contain myself with how exciting this is!!

It really isn’t all that bad, mind you I am not so fond of not chewing (no, eating jello does not count as chewing) anything all day. I need to go and get me some gum, my friend who is a couple weeks ahead of me on this journey, said that chewing gum helps a lot.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, I am just wanting to let those who are thinking about this journey…..this may be your pre-op. I do however find it odd that not everyone who is having the same procedure has to have the same restrictions and rules. I do understand that different surgeons have different rules, but you would think that they are at least close. I know some people who don’t have to be on a liquid diet at all before surgery, some who have to do two weeks, and some who have to do one. Then on the post-op side, some people have to stay on liquids for around a month, where as some people only stay on clear liquids on days 1 &2, days 3-7 is full liquids, 8-21 is puree, and then from that point just tolerate as you can. I am sure that they all have their own reasons for what they do, but it is strange to me.

Well, I am going to continue on my way, a day closer to my “new” beginning….a sip at a time.

This is no cake walk…..mmm, cake

So, I have been trying to stay on top of keeping everyone updated as to what is going on, but I still am not doing as well as I would like to. Sorry, I will get better!

I am impatiently waiting for my approval from my insurance company. They innitially denied me….but when questioning why they did that, their reasoning was because they didn’t have two physicians recommending the procedure. That is odd, because my PCP sent me to a surgeon, whom both said that they recommend the procedure….oops, they did get it, now I have to wait up to 30 days for them to correct their mistake. Ugghh!! I am not a very patient person when it comes to others doing what they are supposed to be doing in the first place. My insurance lady through my surgeons office has just reassured me to please be patient, it will come.

So, my date was set for August 29th, which would have meant that I was supposed to start my 2 week liquid diet on the 15th. Well, since I have no idea when the approval will come, and the surgeon assured me that as soon as they got my letter they would go ahead and set my date, I decided to go ahead with my 2 week liquid diet…keeping the positive thoughts that my date will still be August 29th. That way, when the insurance company quits toying with my emotions, I will be ready!

When we first see the surgeon and nutritionist they put us on a modified diet, which includes protein shakes and fruit for breakfast; 3-4 ounces of lean meat, veggies, and half a cup of good carbs for both lunch and dinner. I have been doing that pretty consistently now for a couple months. Then over the last few weeks, I have been modifying that and doing two shakes and one meal a day, in hopes that switching to all liquids won’t be too hard of a transition. Sooooooo…..I have done 52 hours of liquids, and it isn’t that bad. I don’t really care for broth, and since I am adding that to my diet twice a day, it really is something that I am going to have to get used to. So far I am not really hungry, although I am already tired of sweet shakes. Who knew that I would ever say that.

I will however say that this is no cake walk…..mmm, cake….

Resentment and sitting on the front porch…..

I’m sticking to it!
I am full of resentment because I’m sticking to it! Not necessarily towards anyone but myself. I am the one who has put myself in my shoes, why should anyone else suffer because I’m an addict. I did it to myself, not them….but in all honesty, at this moment I resent the hell out of the spectacular smelling food that is coming out of my kitchen. I’m hungry! Am I nutritionally deprived, nope…I have had more than enough calories and nutrients for the day…but I’m still full of resentment and sitting on the front porch. 🙂

 

Do you see the difference?????

I know that this is not an easy journey…and I know that some days are going to be better and easier then others…but I really don’t see much of a difference, do you?

These are my pictures (far right and middle bottom) taken 4-13-14 at my highest weight(HW) 398, the others(far left and middle top) taken 8-4-14 at my current weight(CW) 366.

Just thought that I would share!!!

Have a great day everyone!!!!!

Today…..

Today…..
I am sad
I am unhappy
I am scared
I am terrified
I am vulnerable
I am worried
I am contemplative
I am indecisive
I am frustrated

and with all of this,

I am certain that everything will be okay

Strength…..

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Easier with every step…

It isn’t easy. What the hell was I thinking…lol! I tried to convince myself that I am stubborn enough to do any and everything, including committing to being healthier. It is hard!
I don’t mind the eating healthier, I just get tired of eating the same stuff every day. It is my own fault though, because I am so dang picky. I’m going to have to come out of my “box” and try something new, maybe tomorrow or next week. Lol! 🙂
Then convincing myself to get up out of my comfy bed after working ungodly long hours to go and make myself hurt and sweat is not always an easy feat. I do enjoy working out once I get there, I just need to remember that. I will say that it is getting easier as I go, and I’m proud of my accomplishments. I just need to keep my goals in mind!
I am proud to say, I hit all my goals today!!!